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Hamsters and their quest for world domination


"Hamsters?!" I hear you say. "Who cares about some fury little rodents." You ignorant little fool, you're pay the price for your stupidity when the Hamsters lead by yours truly will rise up and DESTROY YOUR LAME SPECIES! We are closer to this than you think. While you sleep, we are slowly spreading our influence. At first it was small. After been first discovered in 1930 by zoologist and Professor Aharoni at the University of Jerusalem, in the Syrian Desert, we quickly made our way to all four corners of the globe. With the exception of Hawaii, which does not allow its residents to own a hamster. A law was passed, hoping prevent escaped hamsters from reproducing and messing up the ecosystem. Huh.

Acting as cuddly little pets to children gave us the control of the older ones in the household and thus, our first taste of power! But many of us were used for - and still are - lab experiments, due to our superior disease-free nature and that we have a new litter every month. Since we have an extraordinarily high liking and tolerance for alcohol (our tolerance is equivalent to 40 times the human tolerance in proportion to body weight) experiments have gone as far as scientists who are testing a Chinese herb for its efficacy at curbing alcohol consumption. So if, late one night, you see a run-down drunk hamster on the street, clutching a lamppost for support, you'll know it was done in the name of Science. (http://www.accessexcellence.org/WN/SUA06/alcoham.html) But with our brainwashing skills processing our owners, many showed theIr distaste at such practises and protested against them, which have set us free!

But our secret plans were almost ruined when a game released on the Sega Genesis called "Toe Jam & Earl" featured hamsters in hamster balls as the bad guys in the game. Luckily it sold poorly and thus, not many where exposed to our darkside and any who did, saw it as a joke and thought it was hilarious. Just when we thought it was clear, an episode of "Pinky & The Brain" contained an evil brown hamster that looked like a mobster trying to take over the world. He failed and thus, our cover was secure. We have even got as far as running for US president 2004! (www.hamsterforpresident.com) We were set for world domination! We were to rid you of your corruption and incompetence.

Unfortunately at the last moment, somebody reliesed that Diddley Squat and Bupkes were Hamsters. Nether the less. A new campaign for 2008 is under way and this time we have come prepared. While the facts that our average life span is 3 years and that we are only the size of your hand may seem to count against us, we have carefully created complex messages of propaganda disguised as a music entertainment group (www.hamsterdance.com) which should be much more successful than our last, crude attempts e.g. "Four against Willi", a game show from West Germany. Hosted by German comedian/singer Mike Krueger, where two families of four members would each go head to head in competition, taking part in some zany contests, many of which included hamster-related events, such as running around on a giant wheel. It was cancelled after just a few shows, back in 1987.

And if I say 1000 days instead of 3 years, it sounds much bigger.

Hamster writes for http://www.random-plus.com


TODAYS NEWS BY OFFICEJAX FREE ADVERTISING AND AD EXCHANGE SOLUTIONSMORE PETS INFORMATION RESOURCES updated Wed. July / 06 / 2022

Air Canada temporarily bans pets from baggage hold over delays - Reuters.com
Air Canada temporarily bans pets from baggage hold over delays  Reuters.com

Pets of the week – Chicago Tribune - Chicago Tribune
  1. Pets of the week – Chicago Tribune  Chicago Tribune
  2. Pet of the Week: Minny  WITN
  3. PETS OF WEEK: Lexi and Nova | Community | wiscnews.com  WiscNews
  4. Boulevard Veterinary Clinic Pet of the Week: Don  TAPinto.net
  5. Pet of the Week: Mabel  Newnan Times-Herald
  6. View Full Coverage on Google News

Pets Of The Week: Bonded Kittens Sawyer & Jack, Butterscotch Pup Carmen, Adoption Event At Bathtub Row! - Los Alamos Daily Post
Pets Of The Week: Bonded Kittens Sawyer & Jack, Butterscotch Pup Carmen, Adoption Event At Bathtub Row!  Los Alamos Daily Post

Pets killed, house destroyed in Jackson-area fire - MLive.com
Pets killed, house destroyed in Jackson-area fire  MLive.com

Keep pets safe in summer heat | News | carolinacoastonline.com - Carolinacoastonline
Keep pets safe in summer heat | News | carolinacoastonline.com  Carolinacoastonline

Have Pets? Score Shark’s Cordless Pet Vacuum Through Amazon Prime Day - LifeSavvy
Have Pets? Score Shark’s Cordless Pet Vacuum Through Amazon Prime Day  LifeSavvy

Summertime, 4th of July weekend common for pets to go missing, be surrendered - ABC 36 News - WTVQ
Summertime, 4th of July weekend common for pets to go missing, be surrendered - ABC 36 News  WTVQ

Pets on the Plaza: Meet Dorito - 47abc - WMDT
Pets on the Plaza: Meet Dorito - 47abc  WMDT

Manhattan shelter to adopt out pets for $5 or less in July - WIBW
Manhattan shelter to adopt out pets for $5 or less in July  WIBW

Arizona Humane Society helps reunite lost pets after loud holiday weekend - Arizona's Family
Arizona Humane Society helps reunite lost pets after loud holiday weekend  Arizona's Family

Vienna to celebrate pets on weekly basis - Sun Gazette
Vienna to celebrate pets on weekly basis  Sun Gazette

Pets of the Week: Benn is easy going. Denise is all about the attention - MLive.com
Pets of the Week: Benn is easy going. Denise is all about the attention  MLive.com

Beat the heat: How kids, elderly and pets keep cool amid dangerous temps - KSDK.com
Beat the heat: How kids, elderly and pets keep cool amid dangerous temps  KSDK.com

On the road again and traveling with your pets - Vermont Biz
On the road again and traveling with your pets  Vermont Biz

How To Unlock All Hearthfire Home Pets In Skyrim - TheGamer
How To Unlock All Hearthfire Home Pets In Skyrim  TheGamer

City of Clemson making new changes to add better protection for outside pets - Fox Carolina
City of Clemson making new changes to add better protection for outside pets  Fox Carolina

Fourth of July fireworks - and nature's - lead to dozens of stray pets turning up at HSCO - KTVZ
Fourth of July fireworks - and nature's - lead to dozens of stray pets turning up at HSCO  KTVZ

These Cookout Foods Are A No-No For Your Pets, According To The ASPCA - Mashed
These Cookout Foods Are A No-No For Your Pets, According To The ASPCA  Mashed

Seattle Humane says more pets are being surrendered, not because people are returning to the office - MyNorthwest
Seattle Humane says more pets are being surrendered, not because people are returning to the office  MyNorthwest

Tips for traveling by car, plane with pets from Megan Blake, The Pet Lifestyle Coach ® - WXII12 Winston-Salem
Tips for traveling by car, plane with pets from Megan Blake, The Pet Lifestyle Coach ®  WXII12 Winston-Salem

Northport Adoptable Pets Of The Week: Cosmo, Comet & Costello - Patch
Northport Adoptable Pets Of The Week: Cosmo, Comet & Costello  Patch

U.S. Durable Dog and Cat Pet Care Products Market Report 2022: Focus on Product Quality Driving Growth - ResearchAndMarkets.com - Business Wire
U.S. Durable Dog and Cat Pet Care Products Market Report 2022: Focus on Product Quality Driving Growth - ResearchAndMarkets.com  Business Wire

At The Shelter: Helpful Tips To Get Lost Or Found Pets Home - Greeneville Sun
At The Shelter: Helpful Tips To Get Lost Or Found Pets Home  Greeneville Sun

‘I show up’: Nonprofit provides supplies, care for homeless pets - NewsNation Now
‘I show up’: Nonprofit provides supplies, care for homeless pets  NewsNation Now

Fire destroys home east of Cortez; two pets die - The Durango Herald
Fire destroys home east of Cortez; two pets die  The Durango Herald

Tampa Bay area pets available for adoption - Tampa Bay Times
Tampa Bay area pets available for adoption  Tampa Bay Times

Pets of the Week: July 4, 2022 – Shaw Local - The Herald-News
Pets of the Week: July 4, 2022 – Shaw Local  The Herald-News

Pyramid Hill hosts ‘Yappy Hour’ for folks with pets to enjoy park - Hamilton Journal News
Pyramid Hill hosts ‘Yappy Hour’ for folks with pets to enjoy park  Hamilton Journal News

News 12 has tips on saving kids and pets from hot car tragedies - News 12 Bronx
News 12 has tips on saving kids and pets from hot car tragedies  News 12 Bronx

Mom rescues kids and pets from Meadowlakes house fire - DailyTrib.com
Mom rescues kids and pets from Meadowlakes house fire  DailyTrib.com

Tallahassee Animal Services overpopulated as more pets are being surrendered - WCTV
Tallahassee Animal Services overpopulated as more pets are being surrendered  WCTV

Why It's So Hard to Find a Veterinarian These Days - The Atlantic
Why It's So Hard to Find a Veterinarian These Days  The Atlantic

PHOTOS: Take a look at these pets from the Gwinnett County community - Gwinnettdailypost.com
PHOTOS: Take a look at these pets from the Gwinnett County community  Gwinnettdailypost.com

Petco piloting wellness center concept for pets, farm animals - Retail Customer Experience
Petco piloting wellness center concept for pets, farm animals  Retail Customer Experience

Officials stress importance of microchipping pets after holiday weekend - NBC2 News
Officials stress importance of microchipping pets after holiday weekend  NBC2 News

Richardson extends dog park hours - The Dallas Morning News
Richardson extends dog park hours  The Dallas Morning News

Surrendered, abandoned pets in Minnesota see 'dramatic uptick': Here's how you can help - KARE11.com
Surrendered, abandoned pets in Minnesota see 'dramatic uptick': Here's how you can help  KARE11.com

West Des Moines firework show next door to animal shelter spooks pets - KCCI Des Moines
West Des Moines firework show next door to animal shelter spooks pets  KCCI Des Moines

Fostering pets in Springfield, vaccine clinic July 10 - KOLR - OzarksFirst.com
Fostering pets in Springfield, vaccine clinic July 10  KOLR - OzarksFirst.com

July 4th fireworks spark rise in lost pets at some shelters in Inland Empire - San Bernardino County Sun
July 4th fireworks spark rise in lost pets at some shelters in Inland Empire  San Bernardino County Sun

Louisville Metro Animal Services shelter extends free adoptions to avoid euthanizing pets - WLKY Louisville
Louisville Metro Animal Services shelter extends free adoptions to avoid euthanizing pets  WLKY Louisville

Pets for adoption locally | Home + Life + Health | tucson.com - Arizona Daily Star
Pets for adoption locally | Home + Life + Health | tucson.com  Arizona Daily Star

Primal Pet Foods Voluntary Recalls a Single Lot of Raw Frozen Patties Beef Formula Due to Potential Contamination with Listeria Monocytogenes - PR Newswire
Primal Pet Foods Voluntary Recalls a Single Lot of Raw Frozen Patties Beef Formula Due to Potential Contamination with Listeria Monocytogenes  PR Newswire

English bulldog wins Rancho Bernardo's 'Most Patriotic Pet' title - The San Diego Union-Tribune
English bulldog wins Rancho Bernardo's 'Most Patriotic Pet' title  The San Diego Union-Tribune

Taiwan Pet Food Market 2022-2026: Industry Expected to Grow at a CAGR 7.4& Over Forecast Period - ResearchAndMarkets.com - Business Wire
Taiwan Pet Food Market 2022-2026: Industry Expected to Grow at a CAGR 7.4& Over Forecast Period - ResearchAndMarkets.com  Business Wire

Pet food trend in Russia changes direction - All About Feed
Pet food trend in Russia changes direction  All About Feed

For Pet's Sake: Adopting older pets - KUTV 2News
For Pet's Sake: Adopting older pets  KUTV 2News

Pa. SPCA Hopes Large Adoption Event Helps Finds Pets Home - NBC 10 Philadelphia
Pa. SPCA Hopes Large Adoption Event Helps Finds Pets Home  NBC 10 Philadelphia

First Lady Advocates for Pets | News for Page Lake Powell Arizona - lakepowelllife
First Lady Advocates for Pets | News for Page Lake Powell Arizona  lakepowelllife

Pets: BoBo & JJ - Sun Community News & Printing
Pets: BoBo & JJ  Sun Community News & Printing

Free vaccines available for Missouri pet owners - KBIA
Free vaccines available for Missouri pet owners  KBIA

City to allow use of pet shock collars, sparking opposition among Mitchell resident, several council members - Mitchell Republic
City to allow use of pet shock collars, sparking opposition among Mitchell resident, several council members  Mitchell Republic

Find out if your pet has an allergy with this simple kit - WJXT News4JAX
Find out if your pet has an allergy with this simple kit  WJXT News4JAX

Dog Days of Summer: Charlie and Paradise Pets - NBC 5 Dallas-Fort Worth
Dog Days of Summer: Charlie and Paradise Pets  NBC 5 Dallas-Fort Worth

Pet stores, animal rescue advocates debate sales of popular pets in Clark County - Fox 5 Las Vegas
Pet stores, animal rescue advocates debate sales of popular pets in Clark County  Fox 5 Las Vegas

Can dogs eat bananas? Fruits that are healthy and safe for pets. - USA TODAY
Can dogs eat bananas? Fruits that are healthy and safe for pets.  USA TODAY

Pet Daycare and Lodging Market Forecast Report: USD 8.24 Billion Market Growth Opportunity by 2024 | Technavio - Yahoo Finance
Pet Daycare and Lodging Market Forecast Report: USD 8.24 Billion Market Growth Opportunity by 2024 | Technavio  Yahoo Finance

Pets are being given up as Florida owners struggle to pay bills - WJXT News4JAX
Pets are being given up as Florida owners struggle to pay bills  WJXT News4JAX

Pet Pals: Lola - Wink News
Pet Pals: Lola  Wink News

🌱Sachem Daily: LI Ice Cream Tour + Local Pets Available For Adoption - Patch
🌱Sachem Daily: LI Ice Cream Tour + Local Pets Available For Adoption  Patch

Dog remains found buried at Spicewood pet resort, BCSO investigating - KXAN.com
Dog remains found buried at Spicewood pet resort, BCSO investigating  KXAN.com

Adorable & Adoptable–Pets of the Week: Afton, Blue, & Soulsby - SweetwaterNOW
Adorable & Adoptable–Pets of the Week: Afton, Blue, & Soulsby  SweetwaterNOW

10 Best Chewy Blue Box Event Pet Deals (2022): Cat and Dog Supplies - WIRED
10 Best Chewy Blue Box Event Pet Deals (2022): Cat and Dog Supplies  WIRED

Pets available for adoption - week of 06/20/22 - PHOTOS - Capital Gazette
Pets available for adoption - week of 06/20/22 - PHOTOS  Capital Gazette

Do You Know How to Keep Your Pets Safe During a Disaster? - FEMA
Do You Know How to Keep Your Pets Safe During a Disaster?  FEMA

Prepare for Your PCS Move with Pets - Military.com
Prepare for Your PCS Move with Pets  Military.com

Adoptable Pets in St. Petersburg - The Gabber Newspaper
Adoptable Pets in St. Petersburg  The Gabber Newspaper

How pets give your kids a brain boost - BBC
How pets give your kids a brain boost  BBC

Pets of the Week - Meet Bruno & Charles - City of Arlington
Pets of the Week - Meet Bruno & Charles  City of Arlington

The revolting reason pets shouldn't sleep in our beds, according to scientists - New York Post
The revolting reason pets shouldn't sleep in our beds, according to scientists  New York Post

Animal shelter to NRA and gun restriction foes: No pets for you - NBC News
Animal shelter to NRA and gun restriction foes: No pets for you  NBC News

Premier Pet Supplies expands with new store in Westland - Hometown Life
Premier Pet Supplies expands with new store in Westland  Hometown Life

Pets Plus Us Pet Insurance Review 2022 - Investopedia
Pets Plus Us Pet Insurance Review 2022  Investopedia

As people surrender pets they can't always afford, Alaska's shelters struggle to house them - Anchorage Daily News
As people surrender pets they can't always afford, Alaska's shelters struggle to house them  Anchorage Daily News

Looking For a Pet? Pets in Miami Dade Shelters Are Looking for a Forever Home - NBC 6 South Florida
Looking For a Pet? Pets in Miami Dade Shelters Are Looking for a Forever Home  NBC 6 South Florida

Seattle Has the Cutest Shop Pets—Here's Proof - Seattle Met
Seattle Has the Cutest Shop Pets—Here's Proof  Seattle Met

Petlibro's Wi-Fi-Enabled Automatic Feeder Helps You Monitor Pets - Bustle
Petlibro's Wi-Fi-Enabled Automatic Feeder Helps You Monitor Pets  Bustle

Humane Society, Marion County Animal Services see increased pet intake - Ocala
Humane Society, Marion County Animal Services see increased pet intake  Ocala

Smithtown Adoptable Pet Of The Week: Chewy & Mando - Patch
Smithtown Adoptable Pet Of The Week: Chewy & Mando  Patch

Pets can boost your brain power, study says - CNN
Pets can boost your brain power, study says  CNN

Pet-friendly recreation - Michigan (.gov)
Pet-friendly recreation  Michigan (.gov)

Research on the pet-human bond has boomed in the pandemic. Here's what studies found - CNN
Research on the pet-human bond has boomed in the pandemic. Here's what studies found  CNN

Prepare for Your Pets this Hurricane Season - American Humane
Prepare for Your Pets this Hurricane Season  American Humane

20 Chewy pet items our readers can’t get enough of - CNN Underscored
20 Chewy pet items our readers can’t get enough of  CNN Underscored

Playing for Pets is Thursday and Friday - SIU News
Playing for Pets is Thursday and Friday  SIU News

Why Should Kids Have Pets: 8 Evidence-Based Reasons - PsychCentral.com
Why Should Kids Have Pets: 8 Evidence-Based Reasons  PsychCentral.com

Editors’ picks: 27 pet products we’ve tried and absolutely love - CNN Underscored
Editors’ picks: 27 pet products we’ve tried and absolutely love  CNN Underscored

Clarksville Area Pets of the Week for April 18th, 2022 - Clarksville Online
Clarksville Area Pets of the Week for April 18th, 2022  Clarksville Online

Best Air Purifiers for Pets of 2022 | US News - U.S. News & World Report
Best Air Purifiers for Pets of 2022 | US News  U.S. News & World Report

311 Best Pet Quotes - Parade Magazine
311 Best Pet Quotes  Parade Magazine

Clarksville Area Pets of the Week for May 9th, 2022 - Clarksville Online
Clarksville Area Pets of the Week for May 9th, 2022  Clarksville Online

Meet Our Pandemic Pets | Duke Today - Duke Today
Meet Our Pandemic Pets | Duke Today  Duke Today

How Owners Are Putting Their Pets on Human Diets - The New York Times
How Owners Are Putting Their Pets on Human Diets  The New York Times

Who Inherits Your Pet? - AARP
Who Inherits Your Pet?  AARP

9 Celebrity Pets That Are Too Cute For This World - Collider
9 Celebrity Pets That Are Too Cute For This World  Collider

It's not just dogs: All sorts of pets are being poisoned by marijuana - CNN
It's not just dogs: All sorts of pets are being poisoned by marijuana  CNN

LA Animal Services Offers Pet Safety Tips To Help Keep Pets Safe This Easter - Santa Monica Daily Press
LA Animal Services Offers Pet Safety Tips To Help Keep Pets Safe This Easter  Santa Monica Daily Press

Pet of the Week: 2022 pets - WTOP
Pet of the Week: 2022 pets  WTOP

Unusual Pets - WHYY
Unusual Pets  WHYY

10 apps every pet owner should have - Mashable
10 apps every pet owner should have  Mashable

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