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Pets: The Wild Kind


Just because we moved out to the country a couple years back does NOT mean we want to run a farm. Tending to animals is just not how we want to spend our time. We don't want cows or sheep or chickens. We don't want hogs or ducks. We don't even want a dog or a cat to train.

OK, so my wife says that she wants a cat, but that's only because she knows I won't have anything to do with it. I suspect that if I ever said, "OK, you win. Let's get a cat", she would run screaming down the stairs pulling at her hair and just keep on running... causing damage to the stairway carpet, not to mention the window at the bottom of the staircase.

We don't want a parrot or a rabbit or a hamster or even a mouse.

But when you live in the country, you have pets, whether you like it or not.

The first summer, we were welcomed by Muffet the skunk. Although she never responded to that name, we let her keep it. She just loved our compost heap. In fact, she had a frequent-eater pass at the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

The second summer we were skunk-free, but this summer we were blessed with a new traveling perfume salesman. We did not name him, but we have determined that he is on a diet. He stays away from the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

He is also much less intelligent than Muffet. When we see him, we jump and shout and wave our hands to get his attention,. But we usually have to get his attention three or four times before something in his microbe-sized brain clicks in and says, "Wait a minute. That's not the hot dog vendor beckoning me to clean up his leftovers. Maybe I should turn around."

But he is smart enough provide a two-tier burglar deterent. First, he drives them away with his odor. "Peee-ew. Let's go rob the Jensons down the road." Second he digs thousands of tiny pits all over the lawn to trip any burglar foolish enough to try to escape.

And to answer your question, no I did not personally verify the gender of these skunks. But you are free to check if you doubt my word.

This summer, we discovered an exotic spider (See http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net/spider.html). Painted on its inch-long black back are two bright yellow eyes. Spooky. We even watched it wrap its prey - a small, light brown flying thingy. With amazing speed, the spider scurried from the center of her web toward the helpless victim at least a foot away. Then in a matter of two seconds flat, the spider spun the fly around three or four times, weaving it into a web cocoon like rolling a corpse in a carpet behind Luigi's Fine Finer and Smokes. No gangster could have operated with one tenth the speed.

Just a few hours ago, I was proud to show off a bees nest over a foot tall hanging from a low branch in our One Acre Woods.

"Wow. It's just like in Winnie the Pooh!" That was Little Lady, now 3 years and 3 months old.

"Destroy it. There must be thousands of bees in there!" That was my wife.

The fact is that I have had to destroy four bees nests in the past three weeks, all between the stones in our foundation. I am not keen to drive the bees away from their forest nest and toward the house. In fact, I think I'll post an arrow sign near the house pointing to the forest: "Cheap rent. Spacious hive. Vibrant community."

So far, we've avoided the pets inside the house - we won't discuss the "storm trooper ants incident" or the midnight mouse-trap peanut-butter visits - and we have kept the hogs and sheep at bay (although the chickens sheepishly crawl through the fence and the stray cats like to run hog wild around our land).

No pets, perhaps. But you still have to share your space with skunks and spiders and bees when you live in the country.

Coming soon to a humor column near you: How I adopted 14,673 cluster flies on a Tuesday afternoon....without even breaking into a sweat.

About The Author

David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column.

Visit his home page: http://www.thehappyguy.com

David is owner of The Liquid Vitamin Supplements Store: http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net

[email protected]


TODAYS NEWS BY OFFICEJAX FREE ADVERTISING AND AD EXCHANGE SOLUTIONSMORE PETS INFORMATION RESOURCES updated Tue. April / 13 / 2021

Photos: A look at presidential pets through the years - Muscatine Journal
Photos: A look at presidential pets through the years  Muscatine Journal

Secondhand Hounds Rescue Merges With People & Pets Together Food Shelf - Twin Cities Business Magazine
Secondhand Hounds Rescue Merges With People & Pets Together Food Shelf  Twin Cities Business Magazine

Helping pets adjust for your return to in person work - WENY-TV
Helping pets adjust for your return to in person work  WENY-TV

High-Tech Gadgets for Pets - Mansion Global
High-Tech Gadgets for Pets  Mansion Global

PAWS Chicago's latest virtual adoption event is waiving fees on overlooked pets - Time Out Chicago
PAWS Chicago's latest virtual adoption event is waiving fees on overlooked pets  Time Out Chicago

Talking About Pets: An older pet might be a better option - Daytona Beach News-Journal
Talking About Pets: An older pet might be a better option  Daytona Beach News-Journal

RI veterinary group doesn’t support proposed bill to give medical marijuana to pets - WPRI.com
RI veterinary group doesn’t support proposed bill to give medical marijuana to pets  WPRI.com

See The Latest Adoptable Pets In The Joliet Area - Joliet, IL Patch
See The Latest Adoptable Pets In The Joliet Area  Joliet, IL Patch

National Pet Day 2021: The best deals you can still shop for your dog or cat - USA TODAY
National Pet Day 2021: The best deals you can still shop for your dog or cat  USA TODAY

Pet Supplies Plus Supports National Pet ID Week Through Discounted Microchipping - PRNewswire
Pet Supplies Plus Supports National Pet ID Week Through Discounted Microchipping  PRNewswire

U.K. police hunt rabbit thief after giant celebrity pet Darius goes missing - NBC News
U.K. police hunt rabbit thief after giant celebrity pet Darius goes missing  NBC News

7 tips for keeping pets safe during Thunder Over Louisville - WDRB
7 tips for keeping pets safe during Thunder Over Louisville  WDRB

If You're Returning To Work IRL, Begin Adjusting Your Pet's Schedule, An Expert Says - LAist
If You're Returning To Work IRL, Begin Adjusting Your Pet's Schedule, An Expert Says  LAist

Your View by American Kennel Club: Why a ban on pet store sales won’t improve conditions for animals - The Morning Call
Your View by American Kennel Club: Why a ban on pet store sales won’t improve conditions for animals  The Morning Call

RI Bill By Rep. Serpa Would Allow Medical Marijuana For Pets - Patch.com
RI Bill By Rep. Serpa Would Allow Medical Marijuana For Pets  Patch.com

Femme Forward: Pets strengthen family bonds at Bradley Zoo - PR Week
Femme Forward: Pets strengthen family bonds at Bradley Zoo  PR Week

Pets Help Children Reduce Their Stress and Stay Active During COVID-19 Pandemic, Survey Finds - PEOPLE
Pets Help Children Reduce Their Stress and Stay Active During COVID-19 Pandemic, Survey Finds  PEOPLE

PHOTOS: Barrow County Animal Control Adoptable Pets of the Week — April 12 - Gwinnettdailypost.com
PHOTOS: Barrow County Animal Control Adoptable Pets of the Week — April 12  Gwinnettdailypost.com

'Exotic pets' require specialized attention | Lifestyles | ncnewsonline.com - New Castle News
'Exotic pets' require specialized attention | Lifestyles | ncnewsonline.com  New Castle News

Pender Co. officials urge owners to vaccinate pets after rabid bobcat killed - WECT
Pender Co. officials urge owners to vaccinate pets after rabid bobcat killed  WECT

Humane Society pet food pantry helps keep people and pets together - KSTP
Humane Society pet food pantry helps keep people and pets together  KSTP

Don't let dogs chase wildlife and other tips for keeping pets safe in the wild - St George News
Don't let dogs chase wildlife and other tips for keeping pets safe in the wild  St George News

Purr-son Who Loves Her Pets - The New York Times
Purr-son Who Loves Her Pets  The New York Times

Pet of the Week Evie | Pets | independenttribune.com - Independent Tribune
Pet of the Week Evie | Pets | independenttribune.com  Independent Tribune

Pets of the Week for April 13, 2021 - WKRN News 2
Pets of the Week for April 13, 2021  WKRN News 2

Furever Friends: Pets available for adoption - WJAC Johnstown
Furever Friends: Pets available for adoption  WJAC Johnstown

KCBD’s Pet of the Day: Meet Harley - KCBD
KCBD’s Pet of the Day: Meet Harley  KCBD

EMPTY THE SHELTERS May 5-9 reduced pet adoption fees - NBC 15 WPMI
EMPTY THE SHELTERS May 5-9 reduced pet adoption fees  NBC 15 WPMI

Halifax Humane Society's Pets of the Week for April 15 - Ormond Beach Observer
Halifax Humane Society's Pets of the Week for April 15  Ormond Beach Observer

PetSafe® Improving Pet Access Around the Home with CozyUp™ Steps & Ramp Combo - PRNewswire
PetSafe® Improving Pet Access Around the Home with CozyUp™ Steps & Ramp Combo  PRNewswire

Pets for adoption | Entertainment | tucson.com - Arizona Daily Star
Pets for adoption | Entertainment | tucson.com  Arizona Daily Star

Dog owner apologizes for injuries to neighbors, says her pets are friendly - Concord Monitor
Dog owner apologizes for injuries to neighbors, says her pets are friendly  Concord Monitor

So your dog ate a cicada: What to know about Brood X and pet safety - CNET
So your dog ate a cicada: What to know about Brood X and pet safety  CNET

Homeowners, pets safe after destructive house fire in northwest Springs - KKTV 11 News
Homeowners, pets safe after destructive house fire in northwest Springs  KKTV 11 News

Netflix Reality Show Pet Stars Follows Hollywood Pet Talent Agents - PEOPLE
Netflix Reality Show Pet Stars Follows Hollywood Pet Talent Agents  PEOPLE

Daughter helps save family, pets from garage fire in Huntertown - wpta21.com
Daughter helps save family, pets from garage fire in Huntertown  wpta21.com

KCK dog gets lots of pets and treats after alerting neighbors to owner's medical emergency - KMBC Kansas City
KCK dog gets lots of pets and treats after alerting neighbors to owner's medical emergency  KMBC Kansas City

Beware of certain flowers around your pet - WDIV ClickOnDetroit
Beware of certain flowers around your pet  WDIV ClickOnDetroit

Pets of the Week: Mama Grace, Toulouse, Marie, Hank and Holly - WMC
Pets of the Week: Mama Grace, Toulouse, Marie, Hank and Holly  WMC

Oregon Humane Society helps 7K ‘pandemic pets’ find homes - KOIN.com
Oregon Humane Society helps 7K ‘pandemic pets’ find homes  KOIN.com

PHOTOS: Pets of the Week | Local News | mooresvilletribune.com - Mooresville Tribune
PHOTOS: Pets of the Week | Local News | mooresvilletribune.com  Mooresville Tribune

Pet Owners' Online Search Habits Reveal New Opportunities for Retailers - PetProductNews.com
Pet Owners' Online Search Habits Reveal New Opportunities for Retailers  PetProductNews.com

Petco Commits to Increasing Its Assortment of Sustainable Pet Products to 50% By the End of 2025 - PRNewswire
Petco Commits to Increasing Its Assortment of Sustainable Pet Products to 50% By the End of 2025  PRNewswire

How to help your pet cope with separation anxiety - KIIITV.com
How to help your pet cope with separation anxiety  KIIITV.com

Dilworth City Council to discuss limiting pets, mandatory microchips - INFORUM
Dilworth City Council to discuss limiting pets, mandatory microchips  INFORUM

Pet Scene: Summit County's adoptable pets for the week of April 11, 2021 - Summit Daily News
Pet Scene: Summit County's adoptable pets for the week of April 11, 2021  Summit Daily News

Video The Impact of Reopening on Our Pets - WebMD
Video The Impact of Reopening on Our Pets  WebMD

Harmony Vet Care offers affordable pet care for dogs, cats, and the occasional pigs and rabbits - ABC Action News
Harmony Vet Care offers affordable pet care for dogs, cats, and the occasional pigs and rabbits  ABC Action News

Andrew Yang Defends Giving Up His Dog After Backlash to National Pet Day Post: 'That Still Hurts' - PEOPLE
Andrew Yang Defends Giving Up His Dog After Backlash to National Pet Day Post: 'That Still Hurts'  PEOPLE

On National Pet Day, Andrew Yang remembers dog he gave away - Fox News
On National Pet Day, Andrew Yang remembers dog he gave away  Fox News

Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt Partners with Canidae Premium Pet Food for Launch of New Sustain The Goodness Campaign and Product Line - PRNewswire
Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt Partners with Canidae Premium Pet Food for Launch of New Sustain The Goodness Campaign and Product Line  PRNewswire

Hill's Pet Nutrition Teams Up With TikTok To Celebrate National Pet Day - WFMZ Allentown
Hill's Pet Nutrition Teams Up With TikTok To Celebrate National Pet Day  WFMZ Allentown

Good Day Pets – Meet Daisy! - KCAU 9
Good Day Pets – Meet Daisy!  KCAU 9

N.J. pets in need: April 12, 2021 - nj.com
N.J. pets in need: April 12, 2021  nj.com

Pets with Potential: Meet Angel - WCAX
Pets with Potential: Meet Angel  WCAX

Dogs Adoption Tale Spotlights Douglasville Pets Needing Homes - Patch.com
Dogs Adoption Tale Spotlights Douglasville Pets Needing Homes  Patch.com

Dilworth City Council strikes down pet limit proposal - Valley News Live
Dilworth City Council strikes down pet limit proposal  Valley News Live

Allegany County hosting free drive-thru rabies pet vaccination clinic Saturday - WGRZ.com
Allegany County hosting free drive-thru rabies pet vaccination clinic Saturday  WGRZ.com

Newark, Delaware man looking into license to keep pet deer that's house-trained - WPVI-TV
Newark, Delaware man looking into license to keep pet deer that's house-trained  WPVI-TV

Online pet purchase scams impacting local families costing victims hundreds of dollars - KOAA.com Colorado Springs and Pueblo News
Online pet purchase scams impacting local families costing victims hundreds of dollars  KOAA.com Colorado Springs and Pueblo News

Sorghum Demand Cashes in as Pet Sales Skyrocket During COVID-19 Pandemic - Agweb Powered by Farm Journal
Sorghum Demand Cashes in as Pet Sales Skyrocket During COVID-19 Pandemic  Agweb Powered by Farm Journal

Viewers submit photos in celebration of National Pet Day - WDIV ClickOnDetroit
Viewers submit photos in celebration of National Pet Day  WDIV ClickOnDetroit

GALLERY: News 2 celebrates National Pet Day! - WKRN News 2
GALLERY: News 2 celebrates National Pet Day!  WKRN News 2

Superior pet groomer brings salon experience home - Superior Telegram
Superior pet groomer brings salon experience home  Superior Telegram

Painfully honest pet adoption ad gains attention for 'demonic' chihuahua - KIRO Seattle
Painfully honest pet adoption ad gains attention for 'demonic' chihuahua  KIRO Seattle

Julie McDonald Commentary: Family Shocked, Saddened After Dog Kills Beloved Pet in Backyard - Centralia Chronicle
Julie McDonald Commentary: Family Shocked, Saddened After Dog Kills Beloved Pet in Backyard  Centralia Chronicle

Animal Foundation running low on pet food, asking for donations - FOX5 Las Vegas
Animal Foundation running low on pet food, asking for donations  FOX5 Las Vegas

Pet of the week | SkyHiNews.com - Sky Hi News
Pet of the week | SkyHiNews.com  Sky Hi News

Smithtown Adoptable Pet Of The Week: Betty Boop - Patch.com
Smithtown Adoptable Pet Of The Week: Betty Boop  Patch.com

Destination Pet clinic offering grooming and boarding services coming to Prairie Village - Shawnee Mission Post
Destination Pet clinic offering grooming and boarding services coming to Prairie Village  Shawnee Mission Post

PHOTOS, VIDEO: Ride the All-New "The Secret Life of Pets: Off the Leash" Dark Ride at Universal Studios Hollywood - wdwnt.com
PHOTOS, VIDEO: Ride the All-New "The Secret Life of Pets: Off the Leash" Dark Ride at Universal Studios Hollywood  wdwnt.com

The 19 Easiest Pets to Take Care of - Newsweek
The 19 Easiest Pets to Take Care of  Newsweek

Pet of the Week: Rosa - Reston Now
Pet of the Week: Rosa  Reston Now

Standard Journal Pets of the Week for the Wednesday, April 14, 2021 edition - Northwest Georgia News
Standard Journal Pets of the Week for the Wednesday, April 14, 2021 edition  Northwest Georgia News

Tampa Bay area pets looking for forever homes - Tampa Bay Times
Tampa Bay area pets looking for forever homes  Tampa Bay Times

Spring flowers are pretty, but may be harmful to your pet - WANE
Spring flowers are pretty, but may be harmful to your pet  WANE

Chicago Removes Firehouse Dogs After Family Pet Attacked, Killed - NBC Chicago
Chicago Removes Firehouse Dogs After Family Pet Attacked, Killed  NBC Chicago

News - Dilworth to consider limit on pets per household - Valley News Live
News - Dilworth to consider limit on pets per household  Valley News Live

Alejandro Davidovich Fokina Launches Spanish Pet Adoption Platform - ATP Tour
Alejandro Davidovich Fokina Launches Spanish Pet Adoption Platform  ATP Tour

Pet vaccination clinic set for Friday in New Madrid - Standard-Democrat
Pet vaccination clinic set for Friday in New Madrid  Standard-Democrat

Major coronavirus variant found in pets for first time - Science Magazine
Major coronavirus variant found in pets for first time  Science Magazine

Pets Became Purrfect Pals During Pandemic While Startup Funding Didn't Lay Down - Crunchbase News
Pets Became Purrfect Pals During Pandemic While Startup Funding Didn't Lay Down  Crunchbase News

Franklin County Humane Society receives $12,000 grant to help save pet lives - WSLS 10
Franklin County Humane Society receives $12,000 grant to help save pet lives  WSLS 10

Pets of the Week - Clarksville Now
Pets of the Week  Clarksville Now

Second Chance Pets: Howard the cat - KOIN.com
Second Chance Pets: Howard the cat  KOIN.com

Registration now open for Maddie's Pet Adoption Days - KOLO
Registration now open for Maddie's Pet Adoption Days  KOLO

Pet Pals: Black and white domestic short hair cat is looking for a new home - WWAY NewsChannel 3
Pet Pals: Black and white domestic short hair cat is looking for a new home  WWAY NewsChannel 3

Salmonella Scare Drives Pet Food Recall - WebMD - WebMD
Salmonella Scare Drives Pet Food Recall - WebMD  WebMD

Facebook group helps find a lost pet for a family - 1011now - 1011now
Facebook group helps find a lost pet for a family - 1011now  1011now

Meet Austin FC's Newest Mascot(s): Adoptable Dogs from Austin Pets Alive! - Austin Monthly
Meet Austin FC's Newest Mascot(s): Adoptable Dogs from Austin Pets Alive!  Austin Monthly

Meet Squirt, our pet of the week | KENS Cares - KENS5.com
Meet Squirt, our pet of the week | KENS Cares  KENS5.com

Springfield Adopts 'Puppy Mill' Ordinance, Pet Store Threatens Lawsuit - WAMC
Springfield Adopts 'Puppy Mill' Ordinance, Pet Store Threatens Lawsuit  WAMC

East Bay pets of the week for April 9 - East Bay Times
East Bay pets of the week for April 9  East Bay Times

Pet adoption event taking place at Woodpeckers' ball field in Fayetteville - WTVD-TV
Pet adoption event taking place at Woodpeckers' ball field in Fayetteville  WTVD-TV

There’s a Huge Dog-Food Recall Due to Salmonella Risk to Pets and People - Self
There’s a Huge Dog-Food Recall Due to Salmonella Risk to Pets and People  Self

Pet of the Week: Axel - East Idaho News
Pet of the Week: Axel  East Idaho News

Midwestern Pet Foods Voluntarily Recall Due to Possible Salmonella Health Risk - FDA.gov
Midwestern Pet Foods Voluntarily Recall Due to Possible Salmonella Health Risk  FDA.gov

'My pet has helped me so much during the pandemic' - BBC News
'My pet has helped me so much during the pandemic'  BBC News

Does The Global Exotic Pet Trade Favor Invasive Pests? - Forbes
Does The Global Exotic Pet Trade Favor Invasive Pests?  Forbes

How to Prepare Pets for Your Return to the Office - The Wall Street Journal
How to Prepare Pets for Your Return to the Office  The Wall Street Journal

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