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Pets: The Wild Kind


Just because we moved out to the country a couple years back does NOT mean we want to run a farm. Tending to animals is just not how we want to spend our time. We don't want cows or sheep or chickens. We don't want hogs or ducks. We don't even want a dog or a cat to train.

OK, so my wife says that she wants a cat, but that's only because she knows I won't have anything to do with it. I suspect that if I ever said, "OK, you win. Let's get a cat", she would run screaming down the stairs pulling at her hair and just keep on running... causing damage to the stairway carpet, not to mention the window at the bottom of the staircase.

We don't want a parrot or a rabbit or a hamster or even a mouse.

But when you live in the country, you have pets, whether you like it or not.

The first summer, we were welcomed by Muffet the skunk. Although she never responded to that name, we let her keep it. She just loved our compost heap. In fact, she had a frequent-eater pass at the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

The second summer we were skunk-free, but this summer we were blessed with a new traveling perfume salesman. We did not name him, but we have determined that he is on a diet. He stays away from the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

He is also much less intelligent than Muffet. When we see him, we jump and shout and wave our hands to get his attention,. But we usually have to get his attention three or four times before something in his microbe-sized brain clicks in and says, "Wait a minute. That's not the hot dog vendor beckoning me to clean up his leftovers. Maybe I should turn around."

But he is smart enough provide a two-tier burglar deterent. First, he drives them away with his odor. "Peee-ew. Let's go rob the Jensons down the road." Second he digs thousands of tiny pits all over the lawn to trip any burglar foolish enough to try to escape.

And to answer your question, no I did not personally verify the gender of these skunks. But you are free to check if you doubt my word.

This summer, we discovered an exotic spider (See http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net/spider.html). Painted on its inch-long black back are two bright yellow eyes. Spooky. We even watched it wrap its prey - a small, light brown flying thingy. With amazing speed, the spider scurried from the center of her web toward the helpless victim at least a foot away. Then in a matter of two seconds flat, the spider spun the fly around three or four times, weaving it into a web cocoon like rolling a corpse in a carpet behind Luigi's Fine Finer and Smokes. No gangster could have operated with one tenth the speed.

Just a few hours ago, I was proud to show off a bees nest over a foot tall hanging from a low branch in our One Acre Woods.

"Wow. It's just like in Winnie the Pooh!" That was Little Lady, now 3 years and 3 months old.

"Destroy it. There must be thousands of bees in there!" That was my wife.

The fact is that I have had to destroy four bees nests in the past three weeks, all between the stones in our foundation. I am not keen to drive the bees away from their forest nest and toward the house. In fact, I think I'll post an arrow sign near the house pointing to the forest: "Cheap rent. Spacious hive. Vibrant community."

So far, we've avoided the pets inside the house - we won't discuss the "storm trooper ants incident" or the midnight mouse-trap peanut-butter visits - and we have kept the hogs and sheep at bay (although the chickens sheepishly crawl through the fence and the stray cats like to run hog wild around our land).

No pets, perhaps. But you still have to share your space with skunks and spiders and bees when you live in the country.

Coming soon to a humor column near you: How I adopted 14,673 cluster flies on a Tuesday afternoon....without even breaking into a sweat.

About The Author

David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column.

Visit his home page: http://www.thehappyguy.com

David is owner of The Liquid Vitamin Supplements Store: http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net

[email protected]


TODAYS NEWS BY OFFICEJAX FREE ADVERTISING AND AD EXCHANGE SOLUTIONSMORE PETS INFORMATION RESOURCES updated Tue. January / 19 / 2021

Eight pets dead after WF trailer home fire, family displaced - KVLY
Eight pets dead after WF trailer home fire, family displaced  KVLY

Composting dead pets to grow new life in Colombia - Deutsche Welle
Composting dead pets to grow new life in Colombia  Deutsche Welle

Kentucky animal shelters help rescue 270 pets from overcrowded shelter - WHAS11.com
Kentucky animal shelters help rescue 270 pets from overcrowded shelter  WHAS11.com

Pets of the Week for Jan. 19, 2021 - WKRN News 2
Pets of the Week for Jan. 19, 2021  WKRN News 2

Weight Issues Bring More Pets to the Doctor - Today's Veterinary Business Magazine
Weight Issues Bring More Pets to the Doctor  Today's Veterinary Business Magazine

Occupants, pets escape early-morning blaze - WHBF - OurQuadCities.com
Occupants, pets escape early-morning blaze  WHBF - OurQuadCities.com

Allied Hospice Services offers new pet care program - Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Allied Hospice Services offers new pet care program  Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Guest column: 'COVID pets' make for steadfast companions during pandemic - The Gardner News
Guest column: 'COVID pets' make for steadfast companions during pandemic  The Gardner News

Meet the woman trying to find homes for St. Louis pets surrendered during the pandemic - KSDK.com
Meet the woman trying to find homes for St. Louis pets surrendered during the pandemic  KSDK.com

Kind stranger starts collection for family that lost eight pets in mobile home fire - INFORUM
Kind stranger starts collection for family that lost eight pets in mobile home fire  INFORUM

Pets of the Week | Features | marshallnewsmessenger.com - Marshall News Messenger
Pets of the Week | Features | marshallnewsmessenger.com  Marshall News Messenger

Food Distributions Help People, Pets In Need On Martin Luther King Jr. Day - CBS Pittsburgh
Food Distributions Help People, Pets In Need On Martin Luther King Jr. Day  CBS Pittsburgh

Cambridge hotel celebrates the return of pets to the White House - The Boston Globe
Cambridge hotel celebrates the return of pets to the White House  The Boston Globe

Boise Pets Up For Adoption: Meet Hazel, Zeke, Sky & More - Patch.com
Boise Pets Up For Adoption: Meet Hazel, Zeke, Sky & More  Patch.com

Pet Scene: Summit County's adoptable pets for the week of Jan. 17, 2021 - Summit Daily News
Pet Scene: Summit County's adoptable pets for the week of Jan. 17, 2021  Summit Daily News

Pets on 2: Viewer Submission – Beasley - WCBD News 2
Pets on 2: Viewer Submission – Beasley  WCBD News 2

Adoptable pets at Virginia Beach SPCA - The Virginian-Pilot - Virginian-Pilot
Adoptable pets at Virginia Beach SPCA - The Virginian-Pilot  Virginian-Pilot

Pet Owners Should Be Aware of Coyotes in the Area - TAPinto.net
Pet Owners Should Be Aware of Coyotes in the Area  TAPinto.net

Microchip Hunters helped reunite 143 lost pets with owners in 2020 - RADIO.COM
Microchip Hunters helped reunite 143 lost pets with owners in 2020  RADIO.COM

Presidential Children's Books, Pets and All - The New York Times
Presidential Children's Books, Pets and All  The New York Times

Land O'Lakes helps hard-hit pets with large donation to Harbor Humane - Concentrate
Land O'Lakes helps hard-hit pets with large donation to Harbor Humane  Concentrate

Forest Hills Pets Waiting To Be Adopted: Katsumi, Mixie, Simba & More - Patch.com
Forest Hills Pets Waiting To Be Adopted: Katsumi, Mixie, Simba & More  Patch.com

Houston Pet Adoptions Didn't Go Up During Pandemic - Houston Press
Houston Pet Adoptions Didn't Go Up During Pandemic  Houston Press

Robotic pets bringing smiles to local nursing home patients - WJHG
Robotic pets bringing smiles to local nursing home patients  WJHG

Meet the Royal Family's Pets, from Queen Elizabeth's Faithful Dog to Prince Edward's Tortoise - TownandCountrymag.com
Meet the Royal Family's Pets, from Queen Elizabeth's Faithful Dog to Prince Edward's Tortoise  TownandCountrymag.com

PHOTOS: Gwinnett Animal Shelter Adoptable Pets of the Week — Jan. 18 - Gwinnettdailypost.com
PHOTOS: Gwinnett Animal Shelter Adoptable Pets of the Week — Jan. 18  Gwinnettdailypost.com

Pets of the Week: Callisto and Ganymede - Arizona Daily Sun
Pets of the Week: Callisto and Ganymede  Arizona Daily Sun

Underdog Pet Rescue warns of scam - Channel3000.com - WISC-TV3
Underdog Pet Rescue warns of scam  Channel3000.com - WISC-TV3

How to watch re-release of Betty White's long-lost series 'The Pet Set' - 10TV
How to watch re-release of Betty White's long-lost series 'The Pet Set'  10TV

Amazing photos show how human vision compares with that of our pets - Daily Mail
Amazing photos show how human vision compares with that of our pets  Daily Mail

5 Anime Pets Everyone Wants to Adopt (& 5 To Avoid At All Costs) - CBR - Comic Book Resources
5 Anime Pets Everyone Wants to Adopt (& 5 To Avoid At All Costs)  CBR - Comic Book Resources

A pet duck in Maine is sporting new wheels - WIS10
A pet duck in Maine is sporting new wheels  WIS10

Boulevard Veterinary Clinic Pet of the Week: Brody - TAPinto.net
Boulevard Veterinary Clinic Pet of the Week: Brody  TAPinto.net

Pawsitively adorable: Meet 42 adoptable dogs and cats looking for love - Tulsa World
Pawsitively adorable: Meet 42 adoptable dogs and cats looking for love  Tulsa World

N.J. pets in need: Jan. 18, 2021 - nj.com
N.J. pets in need: Jan. 18, 2021  nj.com

How Much Does Pet Insurance Cost? - Forbes
How Much Does Pet Insurance Cost?  Forbes

Nixa resident leads effort to allow miniature pigs as pets - KYTV
Nixa resident leads effort to allow miniature pigs as pets  KYTV

Animal Doctor: Time to end species-endangering fur industry - Tulsa World
Animal Doctor: Time to end species-endangering fur industry  Tulsa World

Pet of the Week: Lhasa Apso is a little rascal - WKRG News 5
Pet of the Week: Lhasa Apso is a little rascal  WKRG News 5

Norfolk's Leading Local News: Weather, Traffic, Sports and more | Norfolk, Virginia | 13NEWSNOW.com - 13newsnow.com WVEC
Norfolk's Leading Local News: Weather, Traffic, Sports and more | Norfolk, Virginia | 13NEWSNOW.com  13newsnow.com WVEC

Pet of the Week: 2021 pets - WTOP
Pet of the Week: 2021 pets  WTOP

Swoyersville leaders backtrack on ordinance allowing pet dog killing - Wilkes-Barre Citizens Voice
Swoyersville leaders backtrack on ordinance allowing pet dog killing  Wilkes-Barre Citizens Voice

What Does Pet Insurance Cover? - Forbes
What Does Pet Insurance Cover?  Forbes

Internationally known ‘Street Vet’ to the pets of homeless sets up shop in Modesto - Modesto Bee
Internationally known ‘Street Vet’ to the pets of homeless sets up shop in Modesto  Modesto Bee

Pet Stuff, LLC destroyed before grand opening - WVNS-TV
Pet Stuff, LLC destroyed before grand opening  WVNS-TV

Local briefs: Free pet vaccines for veterans - The Grand Junction Daily Sentinel
Local briefs: Free pet vaccines for veterans  The Grand Junction Daily Sentinel

Second Chance Pets: Piper and Mija - KOIN.com
Second Chance Pets: Piper and Mija  KOIN.com

The power of pets: Chewy and Petco have become Wall Street darlings - KTVZ
The power of pets: Chewy and Petco have become Wall Street darlings  KTVZ

What's Best for Our Pets - WHYY
What's Best for Our Pets  WHYY

Read Harder: A Book With a Beloved Pet Where the Pet Doesn’t Die - Book Riot
Read Harder: A Book With a Beloved Pet Where the Pet Doesn’t Die  Book Riot

Pet Vet: Obesity in Pets - WNDU
Pet Vet: Obesity in Pets  WNDU

Dog Pound Pet of the Week - Hillsboro Times Gazette
Dog Pound Pet of the Week  Hillsboro Times Gazette

Summersville pet shop vandalized days before opening - WSAZ
Summersville pet shop vandalized days before opening  WSAZ

Doggie Desserts: Ben & Jerry's Enters the Pet Food Business - VOA Learning English
Doggie Desserts: Ben & Jerry's Enters the Pet Food Business  VOA Learning English

North Syracuse business catered to pet lovers working to overcome pandemic challenges - CNYcentral.com
North Syracuse business catered to pet lovers working to overcome pandemic challenges  CNYcentral.com

Pet care retailer Petco shares surge 63% in first day of trading - CNBC
Pet care retailer Petco shares surge 63% in first day of trading  CNBC

Officials warn pet owners to beware of coyotes during mating season - krcgtv.com
Officials warn pet owners to beware of coyotes during mating season  krcgtv.com

Meet the Pet of the Week: Sassy - Channel3000.com - WISC-TV3
Meet the Pet of the Week: Sassy  Channel3000.com - WISC-TV3

Pet of the week: Meet Brownie - wpde.com
Pet of the week: Meet Brownie  wpde.com

Pet massage business in Tampa Bay area sees boom in stressed-out furry clients during the pandemic - ABC Action News
Pet massage business in Tampa Bay area sees boom in stressed-out furry clients during the pandemic  ABC Action News

Pet daycare, boarding business coming to Williamson County - williamsonherald.com
Pet daycare, boarding business coming to Williamson County  williamsonherald.com

Changes, Challenges: the Not-So-Secret Life of Pandemic Pets - U.S. News & World Report
Changes, Challenges: the Not-So-Secret Life of Pandemic Pets  U.S. News & World Report

Pet of the Week: Meet "Pumpkin" from ARF - FOX10 News
Pet of the Week: Meet "Pumpkin" from ARF  FOX10 News

'Indoguration Day' nears for Major Biden - NBC News
'Indoguration Day' nears for Major Biden  NBC News

Pet food recall expanded after more than 70 dogs die - CBS News
Pet food recall expanded after more than 70 dogs die  CBS News

So many pets have been adopted during the pandemic that shelters are running out - The Washington Post
So many pets have been adopted during the pandemic that shelters are running out  The Washington Post

Pets on the Plaza: Meet Gilman - 47abc - WMDT
Pets on the Plaza: Meet Gilman - 47abc  WMDT

A goose became a family's pet after being rescued as a baby - CNN
A goose became a family's pet after being rescued as a baby  CNN

A pet duck in Corinna is sporting new wheels - WABI
A pet duck in Corinna is sporting new wheels  WABI

Pet duck in Maine is learning how to waddle again using wheelchair - NewsCenterMaine.com WCSH-WLBZ
Pet duck in Maine is learning how to waddle again using wheelchair  NewsCenterMaine.com WCSH-WLBZ

Pets on the Plaza: Meet Ally - 47abc - WMDT
Pets on the Plaza: Meet Ally - 47abc  WMDT

Second Chance Pets: Kushina - KOIN.com
Second Chance Pets: Kushina  KOIN.com

WSJ Wealth Adviser Briefing: Dollars Not Shares, Pet Product Bulls, Interior Design Mistakes - The Wall Street Journal
WSJ Wealth Adviser Briefing: Dollars Not Shares, Pet Product Bulls, Interior Design Mistakes  The Wall Street Journal

A 'One-Stop Shop' At Pleasant Paws Pet Center - The Newtown Bee
A 'One-Stop Shop' At Pleasant Paws Pet Center  The Newtown Bee

Pet cat feared dead in 2018 California mudslide is found alive - NBC News
Pet cat feared dead in 2018 California mudslide is found alive  NBC News

Furever Friends: Pets available for adoption - WJAC Johnstown
Furever Friends: Pets available for adoption  WJAC Johnstown

Who let the dogs out at CES 2021? The MyQ Pet Portal smart doggie door did - CNET
Who let the dogs out at CES 2021? The MyQ Pet Portal smart doggie door did  CNET

Genshin Impact: Lost Riches Mini Seelie Pet Showcase | Game Rant - GameRant
Genshin Impact: Lost Riches Mini Seelie Pet Showcase | Game Rant  GameRant

Cutest Pet of the Week: ‘Blackie’ the Bunny - YourErie
Cutest Pet of the Week: ‘Blackie’ the Bunny  YourErie

Pets shouldn't wear COVID-19 face masks, but sales are still spiking - Business Insider - Business Insider
Pets shouldn't wear COVID-19 face masks, but sales are still spiking - Business Insider  Business Insider

Adoptable pet: Meet Banjo - Tallahassee Democrat
Adoptable pet: Meet Banjo  Tallahassee Democrat

Pet Masks company sees 500% surge in demand amid coronavirus pandemic - Fox Business
Pet Masks company sees 500% surge in demand amid coronavirus pandemic  Fox Business

Recall Roundup: Pet food recall expanded after reports of dog deaths - Carlisle Sentinel
Recall Roundup: Pet food recall expanded after reports of dog deaths  Carlisle Sentinel

Pet of the Week: Whiskey, Finger Lakes SPCA - WETM - MyTwinTiers.com
Pet of the Week: Whiskey, Finger Lakes SPCA  WETM - MyTwinTiers.com

'Relentless' pit bull attack at Omaha dog park injures pet - Omaha World-Herald
'Relentless' pit bull attack at Omaha dog park injures pet  Omaha World-Herald

All the pets in the White House over the last 40 years - Euronews
All the pets in the White House over the last 40 years  Euronews

Pet Supplies Plus makes debut in the Harrisburg area - PennLive
Pet Supplies Plus makes debut in the Harrisburg area  PennLive

How America is changing the global pet industry - Quartz
How America is changing the global pet industry  Quartz

Midwestern Pet Foods Voluntarily Recalls Pet Food Recall for Aflatoxin Health Risk - FDA.gov
Midwestern Pet Foods Voluntarily Recalls Pet Food Recall for Aflatoxin Health Risk  FDA.gov

All The Presidents' Pets - WAMU 88.5
All The Presidents' Pets  WAMU 88.5

Goose Named Lil’ Bob Became Ohio Family’s Pet After Being Rescued As A Baby - CBS Pittsburgh
Goose Named Lil’ Bob Became Ohio Family’s Pet After Being Rescued As A Baby  CBS Pittsburgh

Pet of the Week: Ewok - Arizona Daily Sun
Pet of the Week: Ewok  Arizona Daily Sun

Pet Parents Call This Self-Warming Mat 'Heaven' for Their Furry Friends - PEOPLE
Pet Parents Call This Self-Warming Mat 'Heaven' for Their Furry Friends  PEOPLE

Pet adoptions up amid pandemic - Famuan
Pet adoptions up amid pandemic  Famuan

Global Pet Care E-Commerce Market In Depth Insight, Industry Opportunities and Investment Overview Growth & Research Finding TO 2027||Dover Saddlery, Inc.; PetSmart Inc.; Petco Animal Supplies, Inc.; Chewy, Inc - KSU | The Sentinel Newspaper
Global Pet Care E-Commerce Market In Depth Insight, Industry Opportunities and Investment Overview Growth & Research Finding TO 2027||Dover Saddlery, Inc.; PetSmart Inc.; Petco Animal Supplies, Inc.; Chewy, Inc  KSU | The Sentinel Newspaper

Adopt-A-Pet Dog of the Week: Maverick - ThurstonTalk
Adopt-A-Pet Dog of the Week: Maverick  ThurstonTalk

Global Pet Mattress Market To Reach A New Threshold of Growth By 2026 - KSU | The Sentinel Newspaper
Global Pet Mattress Market To Reach A New Threshold of Growth By 2026  KSU | The Sentinel Newspaper

Couple builds wheelchair for their new pet duck - Abccolumbia.com
Couple builds wheelchair for their new pet duck  Abccolumbia.com

BBB issues warning about spike in pet scams - RADIO.COM
BBB issues warning about spike in pet scams  RADIO.COM

My Pet Pal: Winnie - News from southeastern Connecticut - theday.com
My Pet Pal: Winnie - News from southeastern Connecticut  theday.com

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